UNREALITY
by E.R. Burke
Summary: The Order and Noah are at war. And meanwhile, what is Maria-Mandy up to? She could be quite the asset to either side! Sorry, she's off doing something in Lala land. An Alice-In-Wonderland inspired tale of insanity, Innocence, and children's imagination.
1. Clarence and Miss Demi

**This is the Pilot chapter to a fic I'm considering posting. The next two chapters are written, but under construction due to my lack of ability to create a clean plot. Please enjoy, and review. A lot of the things in here, like the main character's nickname given to her by "Clarence" will be explained in later chapters.**

**I don't own D. Gray- Man, obviously. Or else, why would I be posting things here? Silly people.**

**Also, I like suggestions, especially because the style in here is confusing for me to write. How to help? Read through and see me at the bottom!!**

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Swimming through the valley, Maria Mandolin Sharyn Belmont-Gayle, thought lethargically about how very long her name was. There were those, even, who though it was downright outrageous that she couldn't say her beautiful, lovely, very annoying name in under a second. It usually took her two and a half, give or take considering how tongue-tied she was willing to get at that particular hour.

The clouds of hovering umbrellas overhead reminded Maria-Mandy that she had other things to consider. For instance, the moment that the river of whiteness dropped off, she could well fall into the abyss and be lost for all time. Of course, Maria-Mandy wasn't the sort to wonder why in the world she'd even bothered to put such a danger in her own unreality. No, she was more busy watching the sky above, crawling with millions of tiny, golden pocket-watches. Much to her distress, none of them could agree on a time. Some told her it was half-past noon. Others said it was midnight dead on. A few of them even seemed to favor three-twenty-four. Either way, the girl hadn't any way of knowing what time she'd need to leave to return for dinner.

"Oh, Clarence," she sighed. "You wouldn't happen to have a clue what time it _really_ is, would you?"

The little black top hat that was sitting happily on her dome leaned to one side curiously. "Not a clue, Miss Demi. Sorry." The bat-like wings protruding from its back dropped sadly.

"No matter, no matter," she said with a wave of her gloved hands. She stood up in the open wardrobe they were using to float down the river of milk. "Haha!!" She laughed triumphantly, pointing at the little palm-tree island to the right. "A way out! Glorious!" She cleared her throat and looked up at the rim of her hat. "Clarence, would you mind flying me over there? I don't want to fall in and be cursed to forever live a lactose-intolerant lifestyle."

"Oh, absolutely, Miss Demi!!" The bat wings flapped rapidly up and down, seemingly with little difficulty. Maria-Mandy and her hat companion fluttered over to the island and away from the sea of milk. He grabbed tightly onto Clarence's brim and her legs swung out lazily beneath her. Her two feet stuck plainly on the ground upon landing. She shook her lava-red hair, straightened out her dress, and cracked her back the moment that both feet reached the sand. The sand, interestingly enough, was not really sand. It was sugar. The girl clapped her hands and the world popped like an oversized balloon.

The milk, the clocks, the umbrellas; everything was gone. In their place was no more than a stinky, dirty basement that was in a dreadful state of disrepair.

Maria-Mandy just smiled. She straightened Clarence out and hop-scotched her way up a creaky set of stairs. Her light blue dress, not a drop of white on it, clung happily around her.

The rotting wood of the door showed as the redhead pushed it away. The wet slime from years and years of weathering oozed onto her hands. There was no roof above where she stood, only a sky that had the appearance of paper with ink-spilled on it. The door came loose of its hinges.

The entrance fell with a bang. Maria jumped back and grabbed onto an aging beam. Her heart pounded. "Oh no!!" She shouted. "Clarence, this is awful! Now the rabbits will eat us for sure!!"

"… Fear not Miss Demi. I do not believe they can reach us here."

"Oh no! Oh no! I don't want to be boiled in a carrot stew!! Waahhhhh!!!"

"MISS DEMI!! Please calm down!!"

She continued to wail, flapping her arms at the broken door.

Clarence let out an audible sight. "Miss Demi, if we put a new door up, the rabbits won't eat you! That, and the cucumbers will start dancing again! Just like last year, remember?"

She put a gloved finger to her chin. "Yes! I suppose that's true." She tip-toed around the broken door. Once safely around it, she took her hat off and reached deep down inside. Most of her arm had disappeared inside, eaten up to the shoulder, when at last she released a relieved "ah-hah!". Out of the hat she pulled a gigantic 3-by-6 foot door. Clarence stretched around the edges to release the new entrance. Without attaching hinges, she pushed it into place and rubbed her gloves free of grime. "Ha! The wrath of the cucumber triumphs again!!"

"Indeed it does," the hat said as he flew back up on her head. "Now, we really ought to continue on our way! If we don't find it first, there's no telling what the exorcists might do!"

"Oh dear! The exorcists are the least of my problem! What if the Noah got hold of the poor dear! That would be awful!!" She turned away and scampered through the house.

She didn't bother climbing up the stairs. Too many pieces of the second flight were missing to get through. Instead, ever-fateful Clarence flew her up. The only stable room, as it was, contained an empty picture frame, a hole in the ground where a bed once sat, a partly-filled dresser, and a little black pendant.

Maria-Mandy poked it happily. Tap, tap, tap. "Oh, goodness! It's shiny!! Whoever would want to kill a poor thing like this?" She shrugged and tucked the jewelry safely away inside of Clarence. The hat made a pleased swallowing sound, the pendant disappearing into blackness.

Maria-Mandy rummaged through the drawers of the dresser. The clothes were not in perfect condition, but she smiled at them anyway. They were expensive-looking, and in their nearly-acceptable condition might sell for hundreds in a local pawn shop. She stuffed them into her hat as well.

"Miss Demi," Clarence piped up. "I think we need to leave now! An exorcist is already in the area!" He flapped around, trying to pull her away from her excavation.

"Hey! Quit that! I'm not finished!"

"But, they'll find us! They'll find us! Oh, we need to leave now! Please Miss Demi! Please!!"

"Oh, keep your brim on, good-buddy," she said with a flourish of her hand. "How bad could it possibly be? It's not a Noah, after all. I can handle an exorcist right now, no problem!!" "But, I hear two now! One sounds so very, VERY angry!! Please, let's just get us out of here!! Where there's an exorcist, an Akuma is sure to show up!"

"An Akuma too?! Oh goodie! I love messing with the Akuma! They are such simple, creatures, you know." She grinned and nodded to herself. "I wouldn't mind killing Akuma. Exorcists must have a lot of time to do that, you know. I'd never find the mindset to do it forever, myself though."

Clarence fussed around uneasily. "Miss Demi! Stay on topic! We must leave now!" He made a loud gulp. "Oh no! Too late!!"

A little golden bird zipped past the frantic cap. It sailed around for a moment, not catching any impression from the girl. "Is _this_ supposed to be an exorcist? It's a puny little thing, isn't it?" It zoomed around for another moment before perching on the top of some crumbling railing and staring straight at the odd duo. Maria-Mandy leaned in closer to get a look at it. It was, in fact, not a bird at all. It was a little, impish-looking golem that was all shiny and polished.

She poked it.

It bit her.

It bit her very hard.

"Eep!! Stupid exorcist!! Release me!" She waved her hand around, the little golden ball getting flung to the other side of the decrepit room.

"Timcanpy!!" A worried screech from around the corner made the redhead's ear twitch curiously. She spun about to find a boy, quite a bit smaller and a few years younger, staring at the agitated golem in worry. "Oh no! Tim, are you alright?!" The little yellow creature flew back up and landed on the boy's shoulder. He heaved a sigh.

Maria-Mandy shook her head and thought. "Oh! So _that_ is an exorcist! Goodness! That could have been quite the mistake, right Clarence?"

The hat remained silent.

The white-haired boy stared in confusion around the room. "That's weird. I thought Komui said that this was its exact location. But, I can't sense any Innocence here…" He scratched his head. A finger gripped a tag-shaped earring attached to him. "Komui," he whined. "There's no Innocence here!… What do you mean by that? Innocence doesn't just drop off of the face of the Earth!… Alright, I'll look around, but I don't think anything is here."

"Demi… He can't see us? Or hear us?"

"Of course, you silly hat! You know perfectly well that humans can't look into unreality while they're awake!! He doesn't even know we're here!" To demonstrate, she waved her hands dangerously close to his face. She stuck her tongue out at him. She made obnoxious gurgling noises. She jumped up and down spastically.

She fell right through the floor.

With a scream, the girl landed right into a pile of decaying furniture. She fell right past the dead cushion and onto the hard, rusty springs.

"Ouch," she whimpered. Her head flopped back onto the couch's arm.

"Oh no!! Miss Demi! Miss Demi! Are you alright?!"

A surprised face looked down through the hole in the floor. The exorcist wondered how it had appeared. He was going to just blame it on the aging, but spotted a figure laying below, in a very painful position. His eyes widened in shock. It was a girl. Had she been hit by the falling wood, he thought fearfully. "Are you alright?!"

There was no response, he jumped down through the hole and next to the person. The odd top hat she had been wearing flopped right off of her head and onto the floor. It was shaking, probably from the wind.

Ever so carefully, the concerned exorcist lifted the girl from her uncomfortable position. "Hey Miss! Miss, are you alright?!"

"Huh… What…?" Her eyes, still closed, fluttered. With a few quick blinks, Maria-Mandy woke up from her stupor.

She shot up, out of his grip and against the wall. In a single, swift movement, she grabbed her hat and pressed against the oddly new door. "Ah! Exorcist!! Be gone!!" She shooed him, as if he would actually just disappear.

"Woah, hey! Settle down! It's alright! I'm not here to hurt you!!"

"Lies!!" She hissed and pointed with accusation. "It's all lies!!"

"I swear!!" He shot his hands up in defense.

"Who sent you?! Was it the rabbits?! I bet it was! ASSASSIN!! ASSASSIN!!"

"… Did you hit your head?"

"_No I did not 'hit my head'_!" She squawked. "What kind of nonsense is that?!" She brushed off her hat, took a deep breath, and fluffed her hair a bit. "What business do you have here, Exorcist?"

"Huh?" He looked around blankly. "I'm here doing my job. And, since you know I'm an exorcist, you know what that means, don't you?"

She thought on this. "That would make some sense… And the rabbits?"

"I don't know any rabbits."

"… Very well then." She bowed and tipped her top hat in a frighteningly gentlemanly way. "I'm Miss Maria Mandolin Sharyn Belmont-Gayle. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance mister…?"

"Oh! I'm Allen Walker. It's a pleasure to meet you too Miss… Er… sorry, I can't really remember it all. I mean! I didn't _intend_ to forget! I just--"

"Most just call me Maria-Mandy. Alright then, Mister Walker, I must be off now. I've important things to attend to!"

Allen frowned. "Wait! What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was doing one of those many important _things_ here. That's what! Silly boy! I'd think that would be obvious. Come now, Clarence," she beckoned to the hat. It flapped its wings and sat back on top of her head. Allen Walker jumped back at seeing it. "Any other day, Mister Walker, I might have taken you on in a place as secluded as this. But, it seems that I'm going to be late for supper. And when I'm late for supper, Abigail gets very cross with me!" She sighed and put a hand under her chin. "Not to mention that David and Samuel make a mess of things."

She opened the door and winked. "Next time, sir Allen Walker, the two of us will have to tango." She held up the pendant in a mocking way, and slipped through the door.

Allen realized it was the Innocence. He was too slow to grab it. He pulled the door open. It fell back and landed on top of him. He scrambled up and looked around the entrance, only to find that Maria-Mandy and her hat had both disappeared from the empty basement.

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**Ready to help? Send in ideas for the Unreality world. A crazy dream you had? Something you came up with after being locked in a room with open markers? Everything is good in surrealism!! **

**And do you see that button down there? You should press that.  
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	2. Demigod: Insane Messiah

**In this chapter, I took the liberty of partially forwarding a plot, so I think it's not quite as fun at the one before and after it. Don't worry; #3 is a charmer.**

**The crazy person who typed these letter lacks the enthusiasm, money, or ultimate power to steal D. Gray-Man from it's rightful owner, and therefore still does not own it.**

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"She's late again!!" The small child crossed her arms and pouted. Her golden locks were tossed around her upset head. The lower lip on her pretty, young face stuck out dramatically. "Why is Demi always late?"

The boy next to her, with long, dark, unkempt hair grumbled and stared at his stomach. "Stupid Demigod is always off doing something. We should just eat without her! I'm starving!!"

"We are _not_ eating without her!" The third of the company glared across the table at the younger boy. He crossed his arms and glared, his short, dirt-colored hair seeming to stick up in irritation. "I'm just as hungry as you are, but we need to wait."

The girl smoothed out her dress. "Maybe we should start. I mean, do you remember what she told us? About if something ever happened to her?" But she couldn't bring herself to complete that thought. She started choking on her tears, which had been started up from nothing but pure Idea.

"Oh no, not again! Quit crying! Demi can take care of herself! We just have to sit here and _stare_ at the _food_ and _wait_ while she finished 'taking care of herself'." The middle-child groaned. "Where is she?!"

A tired, old hound-dog that had been laying patiently under the table began to bark with excitement. He ran out from under the table and stared at the door, still yelling.

"It's about time," the younger boy said as he got down and opened the door.

Standing nonchalantly in the entry was a girl with bright-red hair. She brushed off her winged top hat while clearing her voice. "I couldn't help but notice the conversation was leaning towards all of you forgetting me.

"How rude," she huffed. "Even after I went through the trouble of stopping by the trading post and selling some new finds! You should be happy that all of you are going to be eating good meals for a few months!" She tossed an envelope onto the table. It sat happily next to the warm pot of soup. "Tomorrow the three of you can get groceries and just about anything else you need."

Their eyes were fixated on the little gift. "Wow! You mean it Demi?! You don't need anything out of it?"

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "What good would it do _me_? I'm too busy trying to convince the bumblebees that it's a good time to surrender to the marshmallow people to eat _that _good!!"

"… Alrighty then," the oldest boy said. "And how is that working out for you?"

"Terrible," she sighed. "Those stripy little whelps don't know when to give up. The next battle will finish them off for sure. And then when the rabbitsmove into their territory," she made a disgusted face, going over to sit at the table. "Well, let's just say that getting through the forest won't be so easy."

"Really? I thought they only wanted to get over to the coastal lands?" The girl put a tiny finger to her lip.

"Nope. They're out to dominate all of Unreality, I tell you! Those things will stop at nothing to do away with us all!!" She nodded to herself, grabbing for the soup ladle. "But enough with my day! What did you three do?"

"Um… I caught a frog," the oldest said with a shrug.

"Excellent, Samuel! Was it a nice frog?"

"No. It peed on my hand."

Maria-Mandy laughed. "They'll do that. How about you David?"

"Some of the other kids from town and I played tag in the old warehouse. It was fun."

"Very fun! I'm a little jealous, to be honest! And what did Miss Abigail do today?"

"I… I.. um… I made the soup!!"

"And I certainly can't wait to try it!" Maria-Mandy put the spoon into the broth, blowing gently. Everybody watched in concern as she took the first sip. "It's very good," the girl nodded. "You did a great job." Everybody sighed in relief. While the children reached to get their helping, Maria-Mandy peered under the table. "Hello George," she said, winking at the dog. He wagged his wiry tail and licked his lips. Somehow, a good helping of soup had made its way down into his food bowl. "Well, it seems that you're somebody's favorite today."

David tried to sink down below the table and hide. "I just thought he looked hungry! That's all!"

The woman nodded. "I think I can let it slide. After all, George is _very_ happy about it."

"Miss Demi," Clarence whispered. "You don't think _he'll_ find us, do you?"

"… '_He'_ who?"

"You know…!" His voice lowered and he tried to be even more silent. "That… _Exorcist_."

Abigail dropped her soup spoon. Samuel spit out the food he had in his mouth. David shot up from under the table and stared at Maria-Mandy in horror. Even George seemed tensed.

She sighed at the attention. "Settle down. It was one instance half-way across the country."

Abigail gulped. "They're not going to come here, are they?! Oh no! NO NO NO NO NO!!!" She started wailing and moaning and flapping her arms like a bird.

"Oh good grief! Do you ever quit crying?!" David rubbed his temples. "They won't find us!"

"They won't, will they, Demi?" Samuel, trying to keep a level head, stared at the girl for a few moments. "You won't let them take us away, will you?"

"Nah." Maria-Mandy flicked some crumbs across the table lazily while she waited for Abigail to stop crying. "Besides, even if they did find all of you, it's not like you couldn't fight them off. You three might be kids, but you could take on anybody… if you needed to."

"You think?" David's eyes shined with the idea of battle.

"Absolutely! When you're old enough, you three are going to have to help with the War on Rabbits. We'd win easy-peasy if you were there!!"

But Samuel seemed unconvinced by her speech. "You won't let them get here, will you, Demi?"

She nodded her head and drew a cross over her chest. "As sure as I'm a member of the Demigod Organization. Nobody's going to hurt the three of you ever again, as long as I live, alright?"

They all nodded. George barked and wagged his tail.

"Er… right… Three and a half?"

George whined.

"Fine then. Four." She shook some dust from her hair. "By the way, has anybody seen my club? The gnomes are out again."

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"I'm telling you! There was this crazy girl with a flying hat! She took the Innocence and disappeared!!"

Komui, Reever, and several other scientists in the room gave Allen a bewildered look. Of course, there were some who just seemed annoyed. His nonsense was keeping them from their mountains of paper work.

"I'm not lying!! She really was there! I swear it!!"

"Allen, I think that maybe _you_ were the one who hit your head."

"Reever, do you think I ought to walk him down to the infirmary?"

"I didn't hit my head!! And I'm not insane either!! There was a girl there, I swear there was!!"

Komui sighed. "Allen, if you couldn't find the Innocence, you could just _say_ that. There's no need to make up stories."

"I didn't make anything up! Come on Komui! You have to believe me!!"

Reever cleared his throat. He whispered in the Head Officer's ear. "Sir, what do you think the chances are that the old house had harmful chemicals in it?"

"It's likely…"

The man nodded. "I'll get him to Matron."

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_**ERB: **Hello everybody!!I'm glad that you read this far! The middle part of this chapter hasn't been properly reviewed by my "helper", so it's still up for argument. I hope you enjoyed this story so far. As always, suggestions, some criticism, and telling me what you liked is appreciated._

_**Maria-Mandy:**__Indeed it is! I do hope that all of you will continue to read this story! Ah... Excuse me, Miss Author Lady, you wouldn't happen to know how I get back to the Cucumber Patch, would you? Those pesky slugs could use a good thrashing with the old pitchfork, you know._

_**ERB:**... Sure. ANYHOW!! Join us later when flying monkeys somehow get involved!!_

_**Maria-Mandy:**__Yes! And they were not even plagiarized this time. You ought to be quite proud of that feat. Ah yes. One more thing I should remind you... **PRESS THE BUTTON.** Thank you.  
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	3. MariaMandy and the Flying Monkeys

**Here's Chapter Three, which is so far my favorite for the dialogue near the end.** **ALSO, I'm in MAJOR need of help on the next chapter. See me at the bottom after you're done reading.**

**I do not own D. Gray-Man.**

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It was a glorious pink-hued Friday along the coasts of Unreality. A peculiar redhead bent down over the tidal pool, and gazed into it with wide eyes and a gleeful smile. "Oh, how pretty! It's always fun to see the rocking horses out again!" Sure enough, an orange rocking horse was swimming back and forth in the little hole. It squeaked every time it made a complete movement, and obviously could have used a little bit of oil.

"Yes, it is," Clarence answered her with joy. "Do you think we'll see the water balloons again, too?"

She nodded. "It does seem likely." Maria-Mandy then stood upright and dusted off her skirts. "But, now we should be off! There's all kinds of things that we can be doing today!!" She clapped her hands. Unreality was swallowed up by Reality in an instant, like an insect being eaten by a fish.

They stood on a cold, gloomy beach. It was starting to drizzle and there were disturbing clouds hovering in the distance. The darkness was swirling and whiling with malice.

Maria-Mandy beamed. "Oh! It's so windy! Perhaps we'll see the monkeys flying around today!!"

The hat was quiet, maybe just thinking. "Don't monkeys generally live in warmer climates, Miss Demi?"

"Sure they do. But it's so windy today, that they might just have to come, right? Monkeys love to fly!!" She tipped Clarence off of her head and reached down inside of him. This time, her entire head sunk down below him before she found the item she was looking for. Slowly, Maria-Mandy pulled out an umbrella.

It was in surprisingly good condition, considering it had been stuck down in a hat for goodness-knows-how-long. It was gray, much like her gloves, and a bit pointy around the edges where the wires were sticking out.

Maria-Mandy pulled Clarence back into place with a bit extra muscle, to be sure he wouldn't fall off somehow. "Are you ready to fly?"

"Fly?! In this weather?! Miss Demi, you must be joking!!"

"Not at all," she grinned. "How else are we going to find the monkeys? Besides that, there's no way the rabbits can follow! It's a perfect plan, really."

"B-but there's a storm over there! And that umbrella is made of metal! Do you know what happens when lightning and metal meet each other!? They get quite cross, you know!"

She nodded, but clearly wasn't really paying attention. "They'll have to make nice, then," she stated bluntly as she opened up the umbrella.

The wind scooped the duo up. They whizzed through the sky.

The gust pulled them _this _way. It pulled them _that_ way. Maria-Mandy giggled with delight every time she was tossed upside-down or suddenly backwards. She was having great fun. Clarence, though he was only a hat, was starting to feel ill.

"Do you any monkeys yet?!" Maria-Mandy hollered to Clarence. "Maybe you should start making chimp noises!"

"N-no! Please, make it stop!!"

"What?! That didn't sound like a monkey-call to me!!"

Clarence swallowed in worry. Sometimes the hat wondered how he got into the mess that was Maria-Mandy's life. When he had decided to follow her, flying in a storm via umbrella wasn't on his list of concerns.

It was funny how fast he updated that list.

"Wahoooo~!" Maria-Mandy stuck her feet straight back, making them fly around even faster. One hand was holding the umbrella's handle, while the other was occupied with keeping Clarence in place. "Isn't this great?!"

"Y-yes! It i-is, Miss Demi!" He tucked his wings in, worried he might get separated otherwise. "But how do we land?!"

"We don't!" She laughed maniacally at feeling the hat's panic. "Not until I see a monkey!!"

Clarence was sure that they would be up there forever. He was fairly certain that they were never going to see a monkey, either. After all, Miss Demi had neglected to get the monkey-whistle before taking off. Without that, they would probably be off eating fruit or playing ping-pong somewhere.

But like a mysterious light of hope in the darkness, a shadow rose out in the storm. At first, the hat couldn't believe it. But as he focused more and more, the figure was apparent. "Miss Demi! I see one! I see a monkey!!"

"REALLY?! Where is it?!" She spun around and scanned the clouds. "By golly! It is!" She ripped the Umbrella into another direction, forcing it into a path towards the creature.

The little monkey thrashed and squealed in terror. It was held tightly in the arms of a mechanical monster. No matter how hard it bit down into the skin of the Akuma, or how frantically it wiggled, it wasn't going to be released. The demon, with its glowing eyes focused on the captive and an iron smile full of sinister satisfaction, tightened his grip. The fuzzy, helpless little being coughed and let out on last, pathetic scream.

The Akuma's head sailed right off its oddly-shaped shoulders.

The monkey felt his kidnapper weaken. He spun around and looked behind. A red-headed girl was holding her top hat like a cannon while sitting side-saddle on the pole of a gray umbrella.

"Excellent shot, Clarence," she said, nodding to her hat. The little bat wings that had been sewn in the back of the apparel waved rapidly, pulling them along side the quickly crumbling body of the mechanical monster. She stuck out one hand, watching the monkey hesitate as he quickly started dropping towards the ocean along with the Akuma's corpse. "Come on now," the odd girl coaxed. "We'll get you down, nice and safe."

The animal was confident that the situation he'd be in with the abnormal hero would be far, far better than the one he had just come out of. He gripped tight to her hand, and scurried up to her shoulder where he got a firm grip around her neck.

She made a choking noise. "Woah there, little guy. I need that for breathing." She tossed her top hat back on and grabbed the Umbrella's pole. It lengthened in sections, growing to nearly twice the girl's height. She flipped it right-side-up, one foot stationed in the handle's hook and one arm grasping the pole. The rest of her dangled out happily as they started to sink downward.

"You know, little monkey, umbrellas are also called 'parachutes'. Or was it 'parasols'? Ah, no matter. They do the same job, after all." She shook the hair out of her eyes with a free hand, and then went back to holding the winged hat on her head. "My name is Maria-Mandy, and this is my good friend, Clarence." She tipped her hat a bit in greeting. "What's your name, my furry friend?"

The monkey cooed nervously.

"Lau Shimin? An excellent name!" She looked around down below. The sand was coming into view and the ride was getting easier. "Now, little friend, where should I put you down?"

He made a concerned little noise.

"… No kidding? Here? Dear me, that _is_ a problem, isn't it?" Maria-Mandy swallowed hard, and heard Clarence do the same. "Don't worry. I'll try to clear this up."

She closed the umbrella.

The trio plummeted from the sky, Lau Shimin screaming all the way. The girl's red hair rose like fire. The hat didn't even bother trying to slow the impact.

Thud.

Maria-Mandy's feet touched down easily on the sand, as if she'd fallen a _few_ feet instead of a _few-hundred _feet. Two figures turned around to see the girl clad in blue. One, a blonde woman with a scar across her face, eyed the monkey with a churning stomach. It was easy to see in the animal's eyes that she was _his person_. He reached a frightened paw in her direction.

The other, a man in a top hat, though very different from Clarence, gave her an utterly baffled look. His skin was dark, and his features matched. But his eyes, his bright, yellow, chilling eyes pierced the gloomy darkness. "Who are you?!"

Maria-Mandy crossed her arms, the umbrella falling point-first into the sand where it stuck tight. "Sir Noah, I hardly think my _identity_ is of your concern."

He glowered, fingers tightening into a fist on one side. "You're right. I'll just have to kill you and save the trouble of…" He trailed off. Maria-Mandy's cold glare into his forehead was unnerving.

He could see the golden flecks in her green eyes. "You…" he whispered inwardly.

She pointed a very condemning finger at him. "Be gone, scum. I don't have the time to deal with you today."

He sneered. "A child would dare tell me to step away. Do you even know who I am, little girl?"

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "Yes sir, I do. _You_ are in my way. Be gone. Off with you. Shoo!"

"I will teach you to respect me, fool," he jeered. The Noah man closed in quickly and jabbed at her with a tensed hand. It sailed through her chest. She gasped. His arm had gone right through her, and she hadn't felt a thing.

Not waiting to see his master start bleeding, Clarence dive-bombed the Noah, swallowing his head.

The Noah cried out in agony. His skin burned where Clarence had touched him. His hand came right back through Maria-Mandy's body, not so much as a dent left where it had entered. The girl gabbed her hat off of the stranger and held tight to his wings. Clarence seemed almost like he _really was _a cannon, being held in such a serious way.

"I told you to leave, nasty Noah! Be gone, and tell the rabbits that they shall not triumph this day!!" He slinked backwards, scowling at the blood that was dripping from his forehead, and then shot a nasty leer in her direction.

"I don't have the patience for this right now. Next time we meet, you won't be so lucky." In the shadow of a passing cloud, he had vanished.

The blonde woman approached slowly, unsure. Lau Shimin leapt off of Maria-Mandy's shoulder. He gave his master a big hug, not daring to let go for even a moment. She scratched his head, still looking at the younger female.

"Who are you?" She looked down at the redhead.

The girl tipped her hat. "I'm Miss Maria Mandolin Sharyn Belmont-Gayle, Ma'am." Unfortunately for Maria-Mandy, her fingers were shaking and nervous. She dropped Clarence. With a surprised scream, the girl darted to retrieve her hat. "Oh dear! Are you alright?!" "Am _I_ alright?! He stuck his hand through you! Are you alright, Miss Demi?!"

"I'm absolutely fine! You didn't pick up any of his nasty Noah brain-germs did you?!"

"Of course not! Everybody knows that Noahs don't have cooties! That's only _human_ boys!"

"… Really?"

The woman felt a sweat drop developing on he forehead. "Well, Miss Maria, what in the world were you doing out in this weather? And how did you find Lau Shimin?"

"Me? Oh, well I was looking for flying monkeys out there. That little guy just happened to be the first I found," she said, indicating the little primate cuddling the woman.

She growled. "It's very rude to lie to your elders, young lady."

"What?! But, I'm not lying! And besides, I'm _your _elder. I turned one-hundred-and-twenty-six last month!"

The blond was about fed up with the rubbish from the younger girl's mouth. "Young Lady, I should report you to your Head Officer! Not only are you being horribly rude, but you were foolish enough to try to take on a Noah!"

Maria-Mandy pocked a lip. "Head Officer? Ma'am, I hate to be the one to tell you, but I fly solo."

"Ridiculous! You report to Komui, right? Miss Maria, you are going to be in a lot of trouble when we get back to Headquarters."

The hat-wearer slapped her forehead. "I'm not an _Exorcist_!"

"You… aren't?"

"No! I just like to kick the occasional Akuma around! That's all!"

The woman was sure now that the kid was just spinning yarns. But, if it meant the girl would be forced to shut up and respect her, she was willing to play for a few minutes. "Alright, listen up. I am General Klaud Nyne. As General, I'm ordering you to come to Headquarters with me to become an exorcist."

Maria-Mandy waved her hands rapidly. "Sorry, Ma'am, but this Demigod isn't interested in the offer." She grabbed the umbrella from the sand. "It was a pleasure to meet you, though. Maybe some other day, General Nyne, I'll have the time to visit the Dark Order?"

Maria-Mandy clapped her hands and vanished into nothing.

The female general blinked a few times and felt doubt towards her own sanity for a moment. "Did you see that?" she asked the monkey.

Lau Shimin shrugged.

* * *

**The next chapter is still in its developing stages. I know that Kanda's going to be involved and then... nothing. Sorry. GIVE ME A HAND!!**

**How should Kanda meet up with the insane OC, and what do you think should happen.**

**Seriously people, press that button and save me.**

**ALSO, Axiom Bitter-Sweet users will be happy to know that I'm going to be working on that for the next few days, so you can expect an update in the near future.**

**PRESS THAT BUTTON!!  
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